


Mister Egbert

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Genre: (ye im putting in ship names), Alternate Universe - High School, Fathertime, Humanstuck, M/M, Private School
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-10-02
Updated: 2014-01-13
Packaged: 2017-12-28 04:57:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,149
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/987937
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <strong>hey guys im rewriting this story so you can now find it <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/works/1131916/chapters/2286597">here</a></strong>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Egberts 1 and 2

**Author's Note:**

> sorry im bad at coming up with names for chapters???  
> also really short first chapter because i'm just drabbling for funsies.  
> ALSO! please forgive anywhere in here that may talk in (ie) "you look to the left" sense, i'm used to writing fanfics like that and I caught myself only a few times when i tended to do that while writing this. i went back over it and replaced all the you's i could find but i might have missed a few, so if you find one, please leave a comment telling me where it is so i can edit it out! thank you!

I remember when I first went into public school. I met Egbert there. We sat next to each other and for the first few weeks we didn't converse at all. We exchanged an awkward few glances at first and then it turned into "hello's" and "hi's" in the morning and eventually we said "goodbye's" and "see ya's" in another week.

   The entire year of 6th grade I said nothing really to him. He said nothing to me. We didn't do much but sit side by side the whole year. One time we did get to choose our own seats for a day simply because the desks were out of usual order. When that happened, neither of us moved. We sat next to each other for that day too, and to be honest with you, I don't think I would have been all that fond of not sitting next to him. He was my only friend, even if we didn't know a thing about each other. That whole year, we did pay attention in class and we did learn, but neither of us said a thing during class ever, so we hardly knew each other by voice other than our greetings and farewells.

   But in 7th grade, our first year of middle school, we were placed in all the same classes somehow. We were then forced to become friends and actually talk to each other. I remember his first smile at me, his first laugh with me, his first everything. I had fallen in love with this buck-toothed dork and I hadn't even realized that by the end of our 7th grade year. At the beginning of 8th grade, I remember texting him and asking him what his classes were. We hadn't any classes together that year, but we did have lunch together, and we spent that time together always. There wasn't a thing that I didn't want to let go of him, but I was forced to do so when I was sent back to a private school. The two and a half years that I spent with Egbert were amazing, miraculous, and I remembered them for everything I could.

   But the day before I'd left that public school, I'd asked Egbert what his sexuality was. He'd told me flatly, "I'm straight! And I couldn't even _imagine_ what it would be like to be anything else!" with a smile and a small chuckle. I had only nodded and smiled, and was glad that I was behind black shades because otherwise he might have been able to see the hurt in my face.

   But then I went to my private school and _jesus hot damn._

* * *

"...and this is Mister Strider, he will be new in your class from the rest of this school year on," the man had said. He was tall, had black hair with a slight grayed stripe through the top of his hair which was slicked back. He wore a white suit and a white tie, white everything. Holy goddamn on a pogo stick my teacher was hot. He stood with broad shoulders and a small waist and jesus hot fucking potato was he a fucking porn star or something because he was fucking muscular and so completely fucking hot!

   I didn't even realize that I'd been staring at my teacher's body until he waved his hand in front of my face and chuckled. I tried my hardest not to let my face lose it's cool but shit I did and I jumped and looked away as quickly as possible.

   "I hope I won't be having any troubles with you, Strider. You seem to already be really zoned-out, I hope that won't turn into a problem."

   I didn't say anything and I guess that turned into a bad thing for the teach because he lost his joking smile and clenched his jaw and _fuck_ he looked hot when he clenched his jaw like that and looked angry like that.

   "Sit over there," he said, pointing to one of the front fucking seats. Front? Really? I usually always got the back because my calm and hush first impression gave off the idea I was always calm and hush. Which I was! Oh god I hope this teacher doesn't turn into a hard-ass this year. I really wouldn't like that. I already want to go back to public, shit.

   I sat in the seat that the teacher directed me to and dropped my bag to the floor gently and slithered quietly into my seat. The teacher gave one last look to me before turning back to his podium and smiling to the rest of the class. Shit his smile was hot again, and I suddenly find myself aware of how glad I am that a single teacher teaches me all day in this private school.

   "Good morning, students," he says.

   All at once, the entirety of the class replies like a hoard of mindless zombies. "Good morning, Mr. Egbert."

   _What?_

   I turn my head quickly to look back at the teacher and I find him looking _right at me_ and in an instant I know that he knows _exactly_ who I fucking am and I figure that his fucking _son_ must have told him all the stories of public school over the past few years about the fights I've gotten into and the guys that I've hooked up with and the fucking _person_ that I fucking am.

* * *

   A week later, I am still Mr. Egbert's favorite student to call on and make embarrassing remarks about in front of the whole class. I'm forced to take his cruel treatment as I'm in love with his goddamn son and his goddamn son is probably told everything about me as well. If I were to act up now, he would probably run off to is kid and tell him about my acting up and then his son and I would have no fucking chance uHG why do my teenage hormones have to get in the way of everything fuck.

   "Strider," Mr. Egbert calls to me. I sigh and look up to him as he stands behind his podium.

   "Yes, _sir_?" I ask.

   "I've been trying to get your attention for a while now. Care to share with the class what you were thinking about?"

   _Jesus shit what does this guy want from me?!_ "Do I have to?" I sigh.

   He only nods, giving me a look of 'fucking do it you little shit' and then I'm forced to do it because he fucking called me a little shit with his face.

   I stand up and turn to the class, and they all look at me. Suddenly I straighten my back and smile to the class. I hear a couple of girls shuffle in their seats.

   "So I was just thinking," I began to spew out the only thing that would not make me sound like a total moron for being in love with the teacher's son. As I begin to talk, I realize that _I could say anything. And fuck if the teacher tells his son._ "About Resident Evil six. Now this shit's gone crazy. I admit, I don't like it as much as five, but hell if that stopped me from playing it. Now, Leon's got his damn head screwed on for the president, right? And that kinda gets in the way of shootin' his zombie ass. But he does it after all. I mean, I know that shits not even a big thing, despite the fact that it _is_ mentioned a few other times throughout the campaigns, but I still got shit to say about it. I mean, this is _Leon S. Kennedy._ One of THE most badass assassins in the fuckin' world and fuck me if the presidents going to stop that. I remember the tension filled space of time I had to wait to see if he was going to shoot the president or not but holy shitting dicks--"

   " _Strider_!"

   I turn my head to Mr. Egbert.

   "What?"

   "Step outside my class room _right now_ please."

   "No problem," I drop the hands I'm helping myself talk with and stride outside the room. I glance to a couple of poor innocent teenage souls as I exit and laugh to myself at their shocked faces. Hell yeah I fuckin' swore in class. The goddamn teacher was all up in my fuckin' grill.

   I felt proud of myself for a moment.

   But then I felt scared.


	2. Cliche Detention

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Dave Strider is punished for being a little shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> excuse improper grammar and incorrect spelling, i didn't edit this chapter bc im too lazy.

I feel fucking terrified because I see Mr. Egbert storming to the door after me as I turned around outside the threshold of the classroom.

He slams the door behind him and walks outside of the range where the rest of the class could hear, which was outside the hallway, past metal gray doors.

When he turns back to me on his heel, I see the anger in his face. His arms are crossed over his chest and his white suit creases at his movement. He looks at me for a good minute, and I shuffle uncomfortably under his gaze. Luckily Bro taught me how to cover up being uncomfortable and so I just look irritated. And I guess this pisses off Mr. Egbert and he slams a hand on the brick wall behind me and beside my head. He leans forward and lowers his eyes to look me in my shades. When I scan my surroundings, preparing for an attack just in case, I realize not only are there no possible weapons, but there are no cameras hitting this angle of the school. We were standing in a complete fucking blindspot.

Fortunately I don't show my emotion of being alone with this Egbert but I'm still really fucking incredibly uncomfortable with him right in my face. He is fucking gorgeous. He has such almond blue eyes on pale skin, and it's not even all that fucking aged. What the fuck does he use on that skin to keep it so beautiful and soft looking? 

"Listen here, kid," he begins, almost spitting his words, "I grew up with your brother."

What the fuck.

"I know exactly how you Striders work. I know what emotions you're hiding and I know what thoughts you're thinking. I know how you think I can't tell what you want or don't want but I fucking can." He looks... holy shit he's looking past my shades. Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shitting jello inflated buttcheeks. "And even if you weren't the brother of Derrick, I would still give you this thirty minute fucking detention. Today, after school, my classroom. Fucking remember, Strider, I'm not going to stand for an undisciplined student this year."

"You're the one who told me to talk."

"Fine. An hour detention."

I mentally punch myself in the face, and Mr. Egbert gets out of it, throws open the gray doors we are next to, and walks away. When I slide down to the ground with my back on the wall, I realize that my pants were tight and I had a thing for an angry Mr. Egbert.

* * *

**Detention. 3:59 pm.**

When the bell rang at 3:45 I was on the top floor of the school and would be taking my precious time to get to detention. I'd planned to show up maybe fifteen minutes or so late, but I found myself unable to wait to see that angry Egbert face.

I'd shown up only seven minutes later, and blamed my tardiness on hallway traffic. Of course this was true, and of course, Mr. Egbert understood and excused my lateness.

And I don't know what I had been expecting but it sure as hell wasn't an  _actual_ detention.

"Next, sweep the floor," he murmurs from behind his newspaper. I sigh. He's fucking serious. He's fucking serious as a fucking blind kid trying to cross the street. He's. Holy shit. I can't believe he's making  _me_ be a regular ass high school student.

"Where's the damn broom then?" I ask sharply. He looks over the edge of his newspaper. He holds a pipe in between his teeth. I'm pretty sure smoking in the school was against the rules even for the teachers but damn he was doing it anyways. He nodded to the closet near the back of the classroom and I only slumped my way over to it. Upon opening the storage door, I found that the closet was small and only had about three feet of room depthwise.

The broom was tucked behind a blue box that stuck out from a random shelf in there. There were only two shelves, one was about my eye level, and the other was too tall for me to reach on top of. I move the box and for a moment you see the label on it and shit fucking horses it was a box of condoms. You avert your eyes and look to the broom again but you accidentally double take the box and stare. I look over the size of the condoms and holy shit they're XL are they Mr. Egbert's condoms or did a student leave them behind because if it's a student's box of condoms I want to meet this student.

"What is taking so long, Strider?" Mr. Egbert calls from his desk. I hear him getting up and begin walking towards the closet that I'm in and I grab the broom and back out of the closet with a flash-step, shut the door behind me, and turn with the broom in my hands held against my body. I try not to make an expression but I fail at the resistence. I look fucking on-edge.

"Nothing."

He squints at me from where I'm standing and when he turns back to his desk with only a shake of his head I let out my breath that I didn't even know I'd been holding.

I sweep the room. Shittily sweep the room due to the box of condoms that were in my teacher's storage closet. They stay on my mind the whole time I sweep. When I'm done moving desks and chairs out of my way and back, I stand before Mr. Egbert's desk, where he has his feet propped up and a fedora on his face while he leaned back and slept.

"Egbert," I chirp.

He jumps a little and takes the hat off his face. "It's  _Mr._ Egbert."

"I don't care. My hour is just about up."

"Fine. Clean off the whiteboard," he says and returns his hat to his face.

I turn to look at the whiteboard and see that there's no eraser. "But there isn't anything to clean it off with."

"Use a tissue or something."

I scan for a tissue box anywhere. "There's none of those either."

He sighs and takes the hat off his face for a moment.

"I think I have some on the top shelf in the closet."

Fuck. I have to go back in there and I really don't have a choice. I only nod and turn back to the taunting closet. My footsteps take forever and I don't know whether or not I'm walking slowly or time is just taking hella forever but its taking forever either way. When I face the closet, I turn to look back at the desk behind me and see that Mr. Egbert is still sitting with his hat covering his face and luckily, I could just grab for the box of tissues and slam the door shut or something. But when I open the closet door I'm reminded of the top shelf being way too fucking high for me to reach.

But I stretch my arm upwards for it anyways. I'm only able to touch the rim of shelf, but even on my tiptoes and jumping I can't get a box. I'm stretching and jumping and reaching for a good two minutes before a warm body comes up behind me and reaches up to grab the box for me. When he brings the box back down to me, I make a sound of victory, forgetting that I'd gotten help. When I remember this I turn just my head to Mr. Egbert, who looms over me. I think he may have remained standing against my back for a moment but I can't remember. He moved away and his warmth left my backside before I could even get a grasp the fact he just helped me or the fact he had plenty of room to not rub up against me whilst helping me out.

I discard the little piece of cardboard from ripping it off the top of the tissue box and pull out a few sheets and wipe down the board, and when I'm done, I inform Mr. Egbert.

He smiles over his clean room and hooooooot damn I just love his smile a bunch.

"Thanks. Get in trouble in my class more often, Strider. I enjoy a clean room." He stands and moves to his podium. He sees the broom from the corner of his eye and points to it. "Oh would you mind putting that away please?"

"Sure," and I do. I open the closet door and put away the broom and suddenly realize that the box of condoms were gone.

I ignore it and close the closet door.

"Okay then, you are dismissed."

"Finally," I say and pick up my bag from a desk I'd sat it on earlier. I pass up Mr. Egbert by his podium on the way out and he calls my last name.

"Huh?" I say, turning back to him.

"Good job at cleaning, I'm proud of you," he ruffles my hair and for a moment I think I blush. Proud of me? That's a first. Nobody has ever told me that. Wow now I feel kind of warm inside-- wait no. I purse my lips and clench my jaw.

"Don't ruffle my hair, asshole," I mutter and leave the room in a rush.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> iTS OCTOBER AND IM PUMPED FOR WRITING THIS STORY BECAUSE GUESS WHAT WHORES  
> IM GONNA WRITE A HALLOWEEN CHAPTER FOR THIS STORY AROUND HALLOWEENIE YEHA
> 
> also! almond eyes for those who don't know you can see an example here: http://2spookykarkat.tumblr.com/private/62964328719/tumblr_mu2q2oMtzI1rtodgc  
> (ill change that url back to my url when i change back from halloween url)  
> theyre basically sharp eyes and i think are really pretty ok and in my headcanon dad is really pretty


	3. Report Card

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Bro and Dave both go up to the school to have a parent teacher conference with Dave's teacher about his shitty grades.

The next day at school I'm on edge. Yesterday was the last of the six weeks and today should be the day we get report cards. I wasn't sure whether we were handed them in class or they were mailed home. So I asked.

"Mr. Egbert," I began. Mr. Egbert was at his desk on his computer taking roll or something I don't know. He looked up to me, his expression not changing. "When will we be getting our reports?"

"Oh Strider, you're being mailed them. They should be home tonight."

Shit.

"Can I see my grades?"

"No," he went back to typing on his computer and I huffed. The rest of the class was staring at me, probably waiting to see if I would pull some more shit like last time.

"Please?"

"No."

And I'm sure that nobody else in the room could see him from behind his monitor and maybe he thought I couldn't either because he glanced over to me and let his eyes down my body and back to my face before sighing quietly and turning back to his screen. My face reddened and to hide it I put my head down.

* * *

That night, when I'd arrived home, Bro was sitting at the table stuffing some smuppet asses. Next to his current smuppet ass was an article of mail. I stiffened at the sight. Before I could attempt to flashstep to my room, Bro had done so and was standing in front of me. I dropped my bag in defeat. "What?"

"You're a complete dumbass like wow holy shit," he laughed sarcastically.

"What are the grades, Bro?"

"Oh like you don't know."

"What? I don't."

"Bullshit."

"It's not bullshit, Bro. I don't know my grades. What are they?"

He lets me pass him and I slither to my room. He follows me to the doorframe and leans against it. He holds the paper in his hands as I begin to change from my shit ugly private school uniform into some normal comfy clothes which consists of my favorite hoodie and some of Bro's old basketball shorts. The hoodie was red with a lighter shade of red gear on it. The hoodie was from a video game that I'd play with your friends Jade, Rose, and sometimes John, when he wasn't keeping up with his healthy lifestyle with his dad. Which now that I think about it, that's why Daddy Egbert is so ripped. John was too, and when I put those two factors together, it only made sense that the two worked out together. But anyways, the game that the four of us used to play together suddenly went missing one day. None of us could find it, and thinking back on it now, our copies of the game Sburb all went missing on John's birthday. Huh. Weird.

Well back to reality, Bro watched me with careful eyes as I sat down at my computer. He tossed the paper of grades onto my bed and turned around.

"I'm going to have to meet with your teacher, you know."

"Wh-what?!"

Shit no. No god fucking shitting dear shit no.

"Yeah. What's your teacher's name? I'll have to plan in advance."

I don't say anything.

"Very well. Surprise visit tomorrow before school it is then."

I mentally swear and scream at myself but then a little yellow light flashes up onto my computer screen. It's Pesterchum and Rose is pestering me. I click open the small window read her message.

\-- tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] --

TT: Hello, Dave.

She is way to innocent for her own good sometimes. She's just... nice, also.

TG: hey  
TT: What's up? You haven't gotten on your computer lately.  
TG: yeah sorry bout that  
TG: private school is harder that public school and its consuming all my damn time  
TT: Oh, so I see. Is there anything that's new?  
TG: no not really  
TT: What about your teachers? Peers? Any new friends?  
TG: uh  
TG: nothing  
TG: big  
TT: Mhm. I see. Want to tell me what exactly it is?  
TG: no  
TT: Is it that you like someone?  
TG: no  
TT: So that narrows it down to a yes. What's his name?  
TG: dammit rose im not telling you  
TT: Dave, I am not going to tell them. I don't go to your school or anything.  
TG: yes you fucking will  
TG: you will fucking find a way i know you will  
TT: So you do like someone?  
TG: no  
TT: At least a last name? Last names narrow it down to nobody. I'm really just curious, Dave, is all.  
TG: his last name  
TG: i dont like anyone rose  
TT: Liar.  
TG: i dont physically have to like anyone to be content with myself  
TG: i am very well proud of my mind and body  
TG: romantically interested in anybody or not  
TG: and i dont need you to shove it in my face  
TG: that he likes you and not me  
TT: So I am truly sorry that he does not like you and instead he likes me but trust me I don't like him. Maybe. But your persistence of denial denotes that you do indeed like someone. So spill it.  
TG: ughghghgughgh okay fine  
TG: ill tell you  
TG: since i trust you  
TT: Hmmm?  
TG: well his last name may or may not be egbert  
TT: Wait I'm confused?  
TT: Is John suddenly a brother?  
TT: Or is this new Egbert not related to John at all?

I sigh to myself and lean back in my chair, rubbing my face. There's a bottle of apple juice next to my monitor and next to that is a pair of headphones. I plug them into my speaker's headphone plug and turn on some music. Dubstep is the first to come up in my shuffled playlist.

TG: no he is related all right  
TT: Oh god.  
TT: I think I  
TT: Are you  
TG: yeah  
TT: Fucking insane?  
TG: yes  
TT: Holy shit. That's fucking. You're only 15 Dave!  
TG: i know i know girlfriend  
TT: Don't you girlfriend me.  
TG: ...girl?  
TT: No.  
TG: okay so im sorry i like daddy egbert  
TT: Oh god it's so gross to read you call him "daddy".  
TG: no kink shaming  
TG: but please dont tell anyone please  
TT: I'm done with this conversation.

 -- tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] --

* * *

 

The next morning when I woke up, the sun was up and so was Bro. Shit. He must have called into work today to say he was going to be late or something because he was definitely ready to take me to school. I could hear him in his room getting ready just like I should be.

I jumped up to examine myself in my mirror. Last night I'd washed my uniform and taken a shower, so I didn't have to worry about that today.

Slipping on my uniform, I sighed. I admitted it yesterday. I was actually attracted to a teacher. I like him. Kind of. The fact that it's technically illegal was keeping me from admitting it completely but the little bit of okayness was in there and yeah, I liked my teacher who happened to be my best bro's dad.

Oh god that's actually a lot creepier than I thought it was going to seem.

"Rise and shine buttplug," Bro said from outside my door. I was only in my ugly uniform pants that were black. They were slacks, but they were uncomfortable and didn't look good with the rest of my uniform. The outfit also consisted of a white button up shirt with the school crest over the left pocket. We would be getting our coats issued soon since it was about to get cold. But that probably wasn't going to help with the whole these-uniforms-are-fucking-ugly issue. I slipped on my belt and let my shirt fall over my waist, without tucking it in. We were supposed to tuck our shirts in but fuck that. And Mr. Egbert never seemed to mind. Speaking of that fucker, for the past few weeks I've been seeing him looking just at me. During all times, lectures, when he's sitting at his desk, when he's walking around the room, always. I've run into him in the hallways and I can almost promise you that he's stalking me or something. He just likes picking on me is all I bet.

"Hurry up you little shit," Bro walks out of the restroom.

I begin on my tie. The school colors are burgundy and black and the tie was burgundy. After slipping the back of the tie into where it should, I threw the edge of it over my shoulder and proceeded to the restroom where I brushed my teeth and styled my hair, then finally put on my glasses. The entire time of getting ready for the day, I was thinking of Mr. Egbert. Not about his tendency to look at me anymore, but about him. SURE, I did like him but wasn't it normal to have a little crush on a teacher sometimes? Every kid did that at least once.

Bro was ready to leave when I was done. I picked up my bag from where I'd dropped it yesterday. I was pretty sure that I'd had homework but fuck me if I did it.

The elevator ride down was full of Bro jumping and me continuing my thoughts. Yeah, it was normal for a kid to have a little crush on their teacher but was it normal to want to vigorously get fucked by them? Probably not. Was it normal to want to make them suck your dick? Probably not. Suck their dick? Probably not. To sit on their desk and wrap your legs around him while the two of you make out for who knows how long? Probably not.

I sighed and looked to Bro. When the doors of the elevator opened, I began to walk out but Bro stayed behind to childishly press like ten levels before exiting as well. We walked to his car, and upon climbing into it I see someone from the corner of my eye that I did not expect to see at all. Jade Harley is walking in my private school's uniform to a bus stop. Without thinking, I call out to her.

"Jade!" She looked up, searching for whoever called. I called again. "Jade!" And moved towards her.

"The fuck you think you're doing, son? Get the hell in the car."

"Wait no, Bro, can we give my friend a ride?" I ask eagerly. When Bro see's the girl looking over to me, he shrugs.

"Sure. Whatever just hurry."

I smile and wave to Harley, who walks to me with a huge grin on her face. She hugs me when she gets to me and I pick her up and swing her around.

"Dave! I didn't know you went to my school! I mean, I knew that you were going to private school again but I didn't know it was mine!" She said once I put her back down. She straightened her bangs, which I saw that she cut to fix right around her eyebrows and the rest of her hair was up in a bun. God my best friend was adorable.

"Yeah I go to this one now. Do you want a ride? I have to meet with my teacher early but I can give you one anyways."

"Oh, sure! I would really appreciate that!" She hopped into the backseat of Bro's truck when I opened it for her and then hopped into the front myself.

///

When we arrived at school, Jade thanked Bro and said bye and see you later to me. I'd caught the twinkle in Bro's shades when he'd spoken to her. Creepo.

There was a banner plastered above the entrance doors that read "Recognized School of Texas" and next to it was "for six years strong". Students stared at Bro and I as we approached the school and I didn't blame them. It was in the Strider genes to be hot pieces fo ass. Bro was buff-built and was actually a porn star so of course he naturally attracted people. And hell yeah I attracted people too. I had a Strider body too. I was hot too. Hhahahahah no I wasn't. I think I was adopted or something because I didn't carry the big dick trait or broad shoulders trait or the nice ass trait. No. Scratch that. I had a nice ass definitely. Otherwise Mr. Egbert wouldn't constantly be staring at it.

The office gave Bro his visitor pass and directed him to the proper room number since I wouldn't say. I didn't know how this was going to turn out and fucking fuck I was nervous. Mr. Egbert had said he knew Bro and that they'd grown up together and I was really nervous about specifically that.

When we arrived outside of the classroom door, I only glanced inside and saw Mr. Egbert at his desk, looking at his newspaper that kept his face from being seen from the door and hid behind the wall. Bro looked at me oddly from where he stood and looked around the corner then back to me.

He whispered when he talked just in case. "What the hell are you hiding for, you shit?"

"I. Uh. Nothing. You go in. I'm not ready for the day. I'll stay at here for a little and go in when I'm ready."

"Stop being a little shit and just come on," he tugged on the collar of my shirt and opened the classroom door.

My heart was beating too fucking fast for this I think I was going into some sort of panic attack. Or maybe it was the raging hormones of being a teenager and about to present myself in front of the dude I liked. Either way I kept my head down as I entered the room.

"Mr. Teacher," Bro says, releasing my collar once we were inside.

Damn Bro you're screwing up already shit fuck.

I hear the paper rustling of the newspaper in Mr. Egbert's hands as he puts it down and then I feel Bro tense up next to me.

"Oh hello," Mr. Egbert says and I tense up too.

"Dave, wait outside," Bro says and shoves me out before I can say anything back. I stood outside the door, hiding behind the wall again.

I listen to the two. Mr. Egbert is the first to say something between them.

"Still wearing those moronic shades of yours, Strider, I see."

"Still smoking your pipe of shit, I see."

"Yes. I am."

There is a silence and I want to look and see what's going on but I didn't want to risk being seen eavesdropping.

"What do you want, Strider?" Mr. Egbert sighs.

"I came to talk about Dave's grades and why they're so low but now that I see that it's you teaching him I think I know why he's failing."

"Don't be like that Strider. I'm a perfectly fine teacher."

"You know, you are. But it's actually not that that I'm worried about."

"Oh?"

"It's the fact that you have a terrible habit of fucking your students as bribery to bring them back up."

"And are you concerned that I'll do that to your brother?"

"Damn straight," Bro hisses in reply. There's another silence before some stomps and a bang against the wall I'm leaning on. Bro grunts and there's another bang against the wall and I hear Bro growling out some words lowly. "Listen up, Egbert. Do not fucking  _touch_ my brother or I will fucking beat your ass inside out, do you hear me?"

Mr. Egbert lets out a laugh.

"I've teached here for almost twenty years, Strider. They wouldn't believe you if reported me and I'm pretty sure I could take your ass in a strife anyways. Your moves have always been the same."

There's another bang and this time Bro yells loudly you could probably hear it down the hall. "DON'T TOUCH MY BROTHER OR I WILL _KILL_ YOU."

There's one last bang and I could guess that he kept pulling him back off the wall and hitting him back against it each time.

I hear Bro let go of Mr. Egbert and I know that it's right before he grabs the doorknob that Mr. Egbert speaks up again.

"In fact, I think I'll help myself to your brother. I like him a little, after all. If it's not for his grades, it should be fine, right?"

There's a pause and I see Bro's shadow leave where he was standing and then I hear a punch and Mr. Egbert stumbles backwards and falls on a desk. When I hear him grunt in pain, my hand covers my mouth and I gasp under my fingers. My eyes had grown wide at one point and now I closed them. Bro just... he just... hit... him? I thought... how?? Why would he..

I hear Bro whisper something inaudibly and then he finally leaves the classroom. I try my hardest to pull my hands down and look like I hadn't heard anything and luckily I acted pretty well and all Bro said was "Have a good day at school," before leaving. As he walked away, I looked down to his right fist which was clenched. There was blood on his knuckles.

And with seeing that, I turned and rushed into the classroom. Mr. Egbert was limping to his desk.

"M-Mr--"

He turned to me with an unaware look on his face, like he wasn't expecting me, like he was thinking of something else. He smiled at me, seemingly relieved.

"Good morning, Dave! Get ready for the day..." the rest of his words I didn't catch because I was too busy getting teared up. "Dave? Are you okay?" Shit he could totally see the red on my face.

"No," I yelled. "Don't take that from my brother!"

Egbert's face softened and he shook his head. "I have no choice but to, Dave, I'm a teacher that has done some pretty bad things in his career. It's only fair."

I stepped towards him and clenched and unclenched my jaw. "Don't take it from him then."

"Sorry, but I owe things to your brother. I have to. The walls in this place are too damn thin for anyone's good. Hopefully you didn't hear the whole conversation. Let's keep it a secret, okay?"

"I uh. Can't do that."

He dropped his face into a more angry expression. That angry Daddy Egbert was back and holy shit that's what I loved.

"I'll give you anything to not tell anyone, Dave."

Okay so his face was angry but not his words.

I took this chance. I fucking took it.

"So let's say, that I heard your whole conversation."

I saw Mr. Egbert cross his arms. His mouth had blood on the corner of it and he had a busted lip.

"And we were mutual in a certain area of your speech."

He sighed.

"We could take that into action to keep me shut up."

"I left that path a long time ago, Dave."

"Then why bring it up in your conversation?"

He stays hush and lowers his head to look at the ground and then he turned away to his desk and limped towards it.

"I tease your brother a lot."

"Well then do it because you like me and I like you."

Mr. Egbert looks up to me and I smile at him softly and approach him once he's sat down in his seat.

"May I?" I nod to his lap.

There's a pause before his face reddens and he nods.

I drop my bag and climb into his lap, one leg on each side of his and then lean over him to kiss him gently on his cut lip. The blood sticks to my lip and when I pull back I lick them without thinking. It has a gross taste but the look on Mr. Egbert's face is priceless. He looks at me under his tilted head and I smile.

"You've done that, now feel free to go report me for 'sexual assult'."

"Don't want to, Mr. Egbert. I said I liked you and so this is all to my will, if anything, you can go file sexual assult." He shakes his head.

"Then conflict solved," I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed his upper lip softly and left my lips there for a while before Mr. Egbert finally kissed me back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> boom


	4. Lunch Break

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which I don't feel like writing a summary for this chapter because nothing related to the plot really happens?? Filler chapter, while I plan out some more of the plot!

**3 Weeks Later**

  
Mr. Egbert trailed his hand down my stomach. His mouth hovered over my neck and I could feel his warm breath over my sensitive skin. I would sigh every now and then and finally, he slipped his fingers under my waistband. When he ran his fingers over the length of my shaft my whole body became warm and it ran to my dick and just at the sound of my gasp, Mr. Egbert smiled against my skin and bit it, only making me claw at his back. He tensed at the feel of my nails and holy shit that was wonderful to feel him stiffen while holding me.

"Dave," he said firmly. I hummed in reply. "Dave!" He yelled.

I pulled up my head and gasped back into reality. "H-huh?!"

A couple of girls chuckled in the class. Mr. Egbert loomed over me. "See me after class when the rest of the class goes to lunch." I sigh to myself and nod.

The morning lesson today was over the government. I was interested in the governmental issues right now but it was completely  _dis_ interesting whe I was half asleep the entire lesson.

When the bell rang, I stayed in my seat while everyone else crouded out the doors. There was a moment of nothing. No movement, no words, not even breathing, for all I could hear. And then Mr. Egbert closed out a document on his screen and turned to me. His bright blue eyes stared into my shades.

"Take them off," he says. I do so. I slip off my shades and look back to him. I'm vulnerable now. I'm weak without my protection. I'm Albino, so it's also fucking hard to see, not to mention it hurts like hell. "What did you dream of?"

Oh that's why. He wants to detect the lie. He wants to memorize what I do when I lie. He wants to learn me. But without hesitation I speak up.

"I had a dream about this movie I saw last week--"

"Lie."

"What?"

"You're like your brother in every way."

"I'm adopted. I wouldn't see how."

He looks at me quizzically. He stares into my pupils for a long moment.

"What?" I finally say.

"Did he tell you that?"

"Yeah. Why?"

He looks at me for another moment, then changed the subject.

"So what did you actually dream of, Strider?"

I hesitate for a moment.

"I didn't have a dream."

"Lie."

"What?"

"I told you, you're just like your brother. You lie like him. You sleep like him. You make the same moves and noises in your sleep during wet dreams about me."

"When did you see him sleep?"

He sighed. "I was your brother's best friend growing up, you could say. Although I'm eight years older than him, we knew each other pretty well."

"How though?"

He paused for another moment and leaned back in his chair. I pulled an apple out of my bag. I only ate apples for lunch because they were fucking delicious. I took a bite out of it's thin red skin and a small amount of juice fell down the corner of my mouth which I licked up. He stayed staring at me until I asked again. "How?"

"Prostitution."

"Who bought?"

"He did. But he ended up liking me. Paid me a lot of money to keep me around for about three years."

"Did you like him back?"

"No. But he was my friend."

"Why'd you two split apart then?"

"Well... I had John when I was twenty-six. Derrick didn't stick around for much longer."

"Why?"

"Because... then... he adopted you?"

"What made him adopt me?"

"I think that's a question for your brother, not me."

I smiled. "I understand."

An awkward silence lingered in the air until I got up to quietly step over to Mr. Egbert's desk and hop up onto it. I sat on a calendar thing that was attached to the surface of it. My feet propped up onto the armrests of his chair and I rolled the swivel chair forward towards me. He smiled up to me.

"So what exactly happened in that dream?" He murmured?

I put down the apple and grabbed his hand.

"You were kissing me," I said, leaning forward, kissing him. "And you were touching me," I whisper. I guide his hand up my untucked shirt and let him run his hand up my stomach and chest. He stayed at my chest for a moment and ran the pad of his thumb over my nipple, listening to me mewl in delight. He ran his hands down my sides and let his lips hover over mine as he breathed onto my trembling lips.

"And...you..." I spoke between breaths. "Your hand went down into..." he did so without me having to finish my sentence. His hand lowered into my waistband and slid down my underwear, sliding his thumb up my shaft, moving his palm over the head of my dick. I whimpered, bit my lip, and latched my arms around Mr. Egbert's neck who moved his free hand to the dip of my lower back. He pressed down on my crotch, fucking twisting his hand and wrist in the perfect ways, mumbling things into my ear, until there was suddenly nervousness in my throat as the bell to go back to class rang.

"And then you woke me up," I kissed him one last time and then hopped off his desk, grabbing my apple, and trotting back to my desk, fixing my outfit when I got back to my seat. I would just have to hope that nobody would be able to see my boner.

The first people to come back into the classroom eyed me, and then one girl, skirt pulled up to be shorter than my fucking hair, stopped by my desk. She leaned down, exposing her cleavage to me. Her breasts seemed to pop the top few buttons open. I understand that stuff can't be controlled most of the time, but damn could you keep it out of my damn face? I made the most 'what the fuck' face I could and she reacted to it? Wh--oh shit. My eyes widened when I realized my fucking shades were still off. I stumbled to put them back on then leaned back in my desk. She tried again.

"Hey, Strider."

I glanced past her and to Mr. Egbert, who tried to hide the fact he was glancing over every few seconds.

Well, I'm all for making one jealous.

"Hey, Monistat," I smirked at her and she blushed at the slight show of my teeth.

"What are you doing after school today?"

Thank god she was wilting away my boner. Hallelujah.

"Probably nothing at all."

"Well, would you like to hang out maybe?"

I lean forward and to the left a little, making sure Mr. Egbert has a good view of me while I state my reply. He's looking right at me and he knows I'm looking at him even from behind my shades.

"No. I'm not interested in girls who don't know how to put make up on when they do wear it. Also not interested in you particularly because you have a tendancy to throw yourself onto the next available guy. That's not attractive."

She huffs and straightens back to standing up. She doesn't go away though.

"Also I'm not available. I'm happily taken."

"Well who is the slut? Break up with her I'll give you better things."

I laugh at her and do that smile, this time leaning forward to close in on her, making it look like I was going to speak quietly to her but I yell it loud for everyone to hear. " _NO THANK YOU, YOU FUCKING WHORE,I WILL NOT BREAK UP WITH MY **BOYFRIEND** BECAUSE I AM ESPECIALLY HAPPY WITH JUST LOVING **HIM**._ "

"Eugh! You're gay?!" She brought a hand up to her chin and acted worried. Girls like this were just  _really_ fucking annoying.

"Damn fucking straight, I am." I laughed and shooed her away with my hand, which she reacted to by stomping away.

There were people in the class who laughed and with just that, I looked to Mr. Egbert who quickly ducked away behind his computer again.

I smiled, opened my textbook, and took another bite into my browning apple.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> boom
> 
> hell yeah i gave monistat the last name of an external yeast infection treatment cream


	5. Rumor Has It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Dave Strider has no idea what the fuck is happening?? (cant think of a good name for this chapter gomen)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in this chapter we begin to see all the other characters

Mr. Egbert, the next day, was ready for class with a smile on his face. Perhaps he'd gotten a lot of sleep last night or something. He was more than cheerful with the whole class and his hair was well done and he had a close shave and his eyes had less bag under them. He had his best shirt on, best slacks, best shoes. What the fuck why was he so... refreshing today? I mean, yeah, I was hella turned on because of him being so refreshing but upon noticing more about him today... he wasn't looking at me like he usually did. He looked at me like I was just another... student. But I'm not another student. I'm Dave. I'm the student he likes and is in a hush relationship with. Unless... oh no. Oh god fuck no. What if he didn't like me anymore?? What if he suddenly hated me? What if... oh god, what if Bro found out about us and threatened him again??

I bet he found someone better than me.

"Strider," one of the boys in the class whispered to me. I took a glance to him although he probably couldn't tell since my shades were on. He nodded to the teacher. When I glanced up to Mr. Egbert, he was looking at me angrily.

"What?" I snapped. I didn't like the lack of attention I was getting from his eyes today and that obviously reflected in my attitude. A couple of kids in the class watched us with anticipation over what the argument would lead to today.

"Shades off. Not under the roof," he snapped back. Nobody but Mr. Egbert could tell that I was hurt by that. Nobody else could see my raised eyebrows, widened eyes, or slightly dropped jaw. He... I.. what? Take my shades off? "What are you doing? Take them off, Strider." When I shake my head, he turns to face me a little more and sighs. "Strider I said to take them off."

"No," I barely breath out. He raises his eyebrows.

"Do you want a referral for insubordination then?" He skipped over the detention. Could I even get written up for insubordination for this??

I finally give in and slide off my shades with shaking fingers. My fingertips are cold and my head is swirling. Sitting in confusion, I turn to look at the wall and try my hardest to just lose all emotion in my face as much as possible. There's no way that Mr. Egbert was being forreal right now. But what if he was?

During our maths lesson, I fell asleep. He called on me to wake up but otherwise he gave me no attention.

At lunch, when everyone else poured out of the classroom, I didn't even bother to stay behind or even grab my apple. I just walked out and walked in the opposite direction of the cafeteria. I walked to the back of the school and curled up in the corner between a square trashcan and a wall. If this were any other teacher treating me this way, I would give exactly no shits and drop the f bomb on the teacher and walk way and skip their shittastic detentions but this is Mister Egbert. And I don't know how to exactly express our relationship but it's not one that you can just throw away and forget and act like it never happened. You can't do that with  _any_ relationship, reguardless whether it was a good memory or not.

For thirty minutes I sat there in that crook between the wall and the trashcan. When the bell rang, I didn't budge. How could I budge? Without a reason to go back to class now I had no reason at all to even go to school. Without Mr. Egbert to pay attention to me I had no attention at all. And now that I think about losing his attention, what attention did I have? The entire class doesn't give two shits about me. Mr. Egbert was the only ever to give even one.

"What are you doing?" A familiar perky voice chimes. I look to Jade, who stands in her long skirt with her arms behind her back. She has her hair tied in two ponytails slung to the front of her shoulders and she smiles at me questioningly.

"Uh. Oh, hey, Harley."

She sat down in front of me and poked at my leg. "What's wrong?"

I sighed. She noted my shadeless eyes and began to look concerned.

"Did you get jumped? Did your boyfriend dump you? What a tool."

"You're so rude. And yeah, I basically got dumped."

"Ohhhh," she let out her breath and shook her head. "Who was he?"

"The fucking teacher."

She laughed at that and when she noticed I wasn't making a joke, she shut up.

"Um. Which teacher?"

"Egbert."

"John's dad?!"

"Shut the hell up Harley, don't scream it to the world."

"I thought that was just a rumor..."

I lifted my head from the wall and looked her in her bright ass green eyes. "Rumor?"

"There's rumors about you and him. You know. Doing things. During lunch and after school and stuff. That you're fucking him for good grades."

"Who told you these things?"

"My friend Dean."

"Dean Camarello?"

"Yeah."

"He's in my class, fuck."

She gave a huff of breath and began to fiddle with her fingernails. "What happened?"

"He just started to act like I'm a regular student."

"That's it?"

"Hey it's really scary for me. He usually glances at me during class and smiles at me when he's hidden behind his monitor but today he wouldn't even call on me for class things or even...anything. It's scary."

"There have been rumors about him and a few other kids over the years but they all ended when... well what's happening with you happened. I don't want to scare you or anything but that sounds a little like what's happening."

"Nooooooo..." I dipped my head back between my knees and murmured the f bomb three or four times.

"I'm not judging you for liking an old teacher guy. I believe that age is just a number. But this particular man, maybe he's not good for you. He hasn't been good for anyone I've heard. He's just a good teacher is all."

I rached out and pushed her face away gently. "Shut up Jade you're not helping."

Sputtering with my fingers next to her mouth she hissed, "Hey watch it Dave. I don't know where those hands have been in the past 24 hours."

"Definitely not down Mr. Egbert's pants."

"Regardless who's pants they have been down I know they've been down someone's pants and I don't appreciate you shoving you penis fingers in my face." She grabbed my wrist and brought my hand down to be cupped by her's. She warmed them since it was getting slightly colder outside and she could feel it on my skin that I was not used to this cold although I've always lived in this mildly cold Texas weather during the winter. It was a cold that constantly varied in Texas. Cold here could mean 60 degrees or could mean 30 degrees depending on what hour of the day it was.

"Don't worry it was my own pants."

She threw my hand back to me and wiped her hands on her skirt. "Gross." There was a long moment of silence before she spoke up again. "You shouldn't skip class because of that though. You should go to class and at least take this chance to bring up your grades or something. Forget the relationships and stuff and focus on your education for the time being. You can worry about the whole teacher student fucking later."

I shrugged. "Fine." We both scrambled to our feet and she pats my back.

"See you later then," and she trots away, leaving me to my own care.

I slug back to class and when I get there, Mr. Egbert is in the middle of a lituature lesson. He looks to the door when I enter and clenches his jaw. He's angry but it isn't even hot this time. I only roll my eyes, for a slight second I forgot I didn't have my shades on and then I didn't care. I just dragged myself back to my desk.

I sat down in the hard blue chair and hooked my awaiting shades in the pocket over my chest and reached to get out my text book and then looked back to Mr. Egbert who stared at me with angry teacher eyes.

I stared back, making it as if I were not even swayed by his gaze. And I really wasn't. And he could tell that I wasn't.

"Why are you so late to class?" He finally asked.

I shrugged.

I was only the normal Dave Strider I'd always been again. Quiet, careless, and chill. With a little bit of motivation to actually learn today due Jade Harley, one of my best friends that has always been my friend and will never break up with me friend-wise.

Mr. Egbert squinted at me but I didn't even blink.

"What? Go on with your lesson, Mr. Egbert. I'm listening."

He glared at me and turned back to his podium and continued reading to the class. I listened.

* * *

At the end of the day, the class was getting their shit together and putting everything up in their bags and waiting for the bell to ring. I sat and waited, reaching into my bag and getting out my apple that I never ate. I bit into it to hold it with my mouth and shoved everything else into my bag, getting my phone out and clicking open an app to pass the time a little faster. By throwing oddly shaped cartoon birds across the screen, it destracted me from the end of the day and the chatter around me.  Now that I was listening to the chatter for once and not Mr. Egbert at his desk, I was hearing the rumors that were actually floating around.

I heard maybe four versions of a single rumor that was talking about how Mr. Egbert and I were in a fight and another rumor that claimed that today we were avoiding contact because we were going to have hot steamy sex after classes today and we'd been creating tention all day for it. Someone said that we'd broken up. Someone was giving out the original rumor about he and I doing things in the first place to the people that hadn't heard it already. That original rumor stated that during lunch someone had seen his hand down my pants and that I was having sex with him for grades. Which was partially true. And that was incredibly dangerous to be a rumor to be floating around.

When the bell finally rang, I picked up my bag from the floor and slid on my shades finally. Mr. Egbert called after me when I was on my way out the door. My heart jumped in my chest when I heard him say my name. I turned sharply to look at him.

" _What?_ " I almost growled.

He looked down at me angrily. "We need to talk."

"Nope we don't. Have a good day, Egbert. Peace." I turned back to the door and left the classroom with the final three remaining students.

Walking down the hall, people stared at me. One guy approached me who was just as thin as me but at least one head taller than me. He pushed me up against a locker and pinned me back by my collar. I struggled under his strength but it was useless for the most part. I haven't ever been good at weaponless strifes. My eyes darted around, searching for an item to use as a weapon but there was nothing in reach. There was a fire extinguisher down the hall but it was way out of reach. I grunted under his grip and struggled to kick him or something but it was all useless.

"Karkat!" Someone hissed. A red and white cane twacked the dude holding me against the wall against his back. "Chill out Karkat! Leave him alone!"

I coughed some to regain my breath as I was dropped to the ground. Another girl's voice chirped in from next to me. "I'm sorry, Dave!" I looked up to see Roxy. Oh what a wonderful face to see.

"Roxy?" I grumbled, taking her hand. She laughed. She had the faint smell of whisky on her breath which I tried my hardest not to smell as she helped me up. "What the fuck? Why did I just get attacked?"

"Sorry, that was just this asshat being an asshat," she shrugged to 'Karkat'.

"You fucker," I turned my words to Karkat, baring my teeth slightly. "That fucking hurt--"

"He won't do it again, promise," the girl with the cane said and smiled widely. "I'll make sure of that."

"Who are you people anyways? Roxy help me I'm being attacked by strangers and I didn't even do anything."

"It's okay, promise. Come hang out with us. There's a few more of us. But we don't all act like Karkat, promise that."

I thought this over then finally shrugged. I was shorter than Roxy, Karkat, and the girl with the cane. In fact I was really short in general. I was only five feet tall. I was really really short okay.

~!~!~!~

When we arrived where we were going, we ended up under a bridge where six other people awaited us. Four other boys and two girls leaned against the concrete walls or sat on rocks. There was a table set up where one boy and one girl played cards. A cooler was under the table which as far as I knew contained body parts. But Roxy brought me here, so I knew I was safe. Roxy never hurt me and I know she never would.

"Roxy?"

"Oh, yeah, sorry. Guys, this is Dave," she said, reaching into the cooler and pulling out a bottle of vodka and taking sips from it.

Only the girl with long fluffy hair said hello, everyone else didn't look up from what they were doing to say anything to me. I kind of appreciated not getting any acknowledgement. It was quieter than at school. Speaking of school, here, only the people that brought me here wore my uniform. Everyone else wore different uniforms or no uniform at all.

"Roxy?" I asked. She looked up from reading what kind of vodka she was drinking.

"Huh?"

"I mean, this place is cool and all. But why'd you bring me here?"

"Rumors, man."

"Rumors?"

"Everyone here has had rumors spread about us. Some of us had true rumors spread about us, some were false. It's only up to us to tell each other whether or not our rumors are true or not, but the rumor itself is no secret."

"What's you rumor, Roxy?"

"You haven't been at my school for only a little less than two months, right? My rumor faded away right before you showed up. It said that I was bribing my teachers for alcohol with money or sex. It's not a true rumor though. I got all my booze from my mom."

"What...about everyone else?" I curiously asked.

"Tried to kill A-A," one with 3D glasses said. He read a comic book. He flipped a page.

"Kill?" I whispered.

"Falthe rumor."

"Oh."

"I'm Tholluxth Captor, by the way."

"Dave Strider."

"We all know you, don't gotta introduthe yourthelf."

"Oh, okay. Sorry then."

He shook his head and sighed. "Yeah, whatever."

"Tried to commit suicide."

I glanced to her. She was the girl who had greeted me.

"False rumor. I'm Aradia Megido, also known as A-A," she smiled.

"Oh. Um, then what happened that made suicide and attempted murder rumors? If I may ask."

"You're so polite," she giggled. "Well, we have this... used-to-be-friend that threatened Sollux, told him to throw me in front of a bus or she would do some pretty horrid stuff that we don't like to talk about. He pushed me in front of the bus, yes, and I did get hurt, yes, but didn't die, although I should have."

"Oh, I understand." I did my best Strider smirk and she grinned back. There wasn't any hidden message in our smiles, we were actually just smiling at each other.

"Stabbed the principal."

I turned to... "Dirk?"

"Hey man."

"Oh yeah, surprise. Dirk's here too," Roxy said.

"It was a true rumor, not gonna lie."

"How did you get away with it, though?"

"He died."

"Oh."

"Also I'm gay as hell. That was another rumor that was true."

"How could that even be a rumor when you are more than gay from ten miles away?"

He shrugged. A boy sat in his lap with a 3DS in his hand.

"Robbed two banks and threatened six teachers," said the guy in his lap. "I'm Jake. Jake English! Hello! My rumors are hella true!" I didn't say anything to the fellow. I only tried my hardest not to look like I was judging.

"Um, yeah, Jake, we've told you about sounding so happy while announcing your rumor. It's just... creepy," said Terezi.

A slightly chubby girl who was super fucking hot spoke up next. "I'm Jane Crocker. My rumor is that I put poison in my company's product. My company sells cake stuff. You know, Crocker Corps."

"Oh yeah. Love your cake stuff. Frosting is rad as hell--"

"My rumor was true."

I stopped talking and swallowed.

"No, just kidding! It wasn't true," she giggled and took a sip from Roxy's vodka.

I laughed with her. "Well just save me something unpoisoned next time."

"I fuckin' pushed Sollux down the stairs," Karkat said. He had a raspy voice and there was almost a growl in the back of his throat. "So the rumor said. It was a fake ass rumor but it's not like I give a fuck whether or not people fuckin' believe it." I didn't say anything to him simply because this asshole was a real unironic asshole.

"What'th your rumor, Thtrider?" Sollux asked.

"Fucking my teacher for grades."

"Are they true?" I could hear Terezi's curiosity.

"Kinda."

"What do you mean, 'kinda'?" asked Roxy.

"I wasn't fucking him for grades. We haven't even fucked yet. It's all been handjobs and blowjobs and sloppy kissing against walls but not for grades. Because well, I like him, and I don't know if he doesn  _anymore_ but he  _did_."

"So you fuck your teacher because ya'll like each other?" Dirk clarified.

"Pretty much. But yo saying it like that is a little too cheesy."

"It sounds cheesy anyways."

"Fuck you, man," I say and Dirk snickers at me, tightening his arms around his boytoy in his lap. "Anyways, what about you?" I asked the man with the clown make up.

"Blinded Terezi," he said. "Which wasn't true. At all. I wouldn't ever hurt Terezi, she's my good friend. But they said I made her go blind. It ain't motherfuckin' true, okay?" The dude was obviously higher than a fucking plane.

"I believe you," I said. Sollux, Jane, and Aradia looked to me.

"I'm Gamzee Makara, thanks man."

The dude still creeped me out, but I believed him.

Terezi sighed and jumped into the moment. "I was blinded by the same girl that threatened Sollux into hurting Aradia. But we don't talk to her any more."

"What was her name?"

"Vriska. Vriska Serket."

That name sounded familiar. It sounded very familiar... had John mentioned her before-- Oh  _shit_. _  
_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> boom  
> ok so forgive me for this chapter taking a sudden turn of events but its relevant i swear


	6. Remake

Hey guys! I am rewriting this story since it wasn't going the way I really wanted it to! The new version can be found [here](../../1131916/chapters/2286597).


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